What Is And Isn't Easy
by musthavebeentheweather
Summary: Finn gets contemplative over a batch of stale cookies. Kurt interrupts his musings. One-Shot. Hudmel Family-centric.


**A/N: This is just a little one-shot I had floating around in my head for a while. I would love to get a deeper insight into how Finn feels about his new family situation, so I just sort of... Made up my own. Hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think of my Finn voice. I've never really written him before. Reviews are appreciated, but unnecessary. **

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><p>No one ever told him that this was going to be easy.<p>

People had told him lots of things, really. Everyone seemed to have an opinion about the fact that the two seventeen year old high school students were going to be brothers all the sudden. Finn had dealt with people coming up to him in the halls to tell him how much it sucked that Hummel was going to be living with him now. His teammates on the football team teased him, making cracks about his new step-brother sneaking into the bathroom to watch him shower. He ignored them. He tried even harder to ignore the gay jokes.

None of them really understood how important this was anyway.

It wasn't important to any of them. They all had nice little compact families, complete with two-point-four kids and a dog. They all had everything Finn had ever wanted. He had never had the chance to get to know a father. He had never even had half a chance of getting himself a sibling.

He knew it was the same way for Kurt. Even though Kurt had been fortunate enough to know his mother for a little while, all of that had still been ripped away from him. Finn couldn't even imagine the pain that must come with losing your mother. His own mother meant the world to him. She was most of the reason that he had been so willing to give this whole blended family thing a try in the first place.

But funnily enough, the whole blended family thing just sort of… worked.

It had been over half a year since his mom had married Burt. They were all settled down into the new house, and they had set up a routine within it. The house had a well-known pace. It was lived in; it was becoming a home. It had taken Finn a while to adapt to the routines of two other people in the house, but he had gotten there. He learned to respect other people's space and to not take clothes out of the drier unless they were his own, God forbid he lose someone else's sock. He learned not to screw with the delicate kitchen organization system that his mother and Kurt had devised or he would have to dodge whatever it was Kurt decided to throw at him in retaliation. He learned that it was much easier to keep up with the chores around the house when he had a brother to split up the work with.

Not all of the adaptations that came along with his new family were difficult. It was so simple just to sit down with Burt and watch the baseball game on TV. They would trade comments back and forth on how well the pitcher was throwing or how much the designated hitter sucked, and for Pete's sake, why do the White Sox still even have Adam Dunn on the roster? Hanging out with Burt was easy and it was comforting. Burt had taken Finn into his family without even a backward glance. His mother just watched it all happen and smiled at her new husband and her son.

It hadn't been as easy with Kurt as it had been with Burt. Finn had grown accustomed to the general sense of superiority and slight arrogance that Kurt walked around the school with. He was unprepared for just how different Kurt was in the comfort of his own home. Kurt relaxed. He didn't roll around the house in sweats and a ratty old t-shirt, but he didn't put on airs in front of Finn or Carole. He just let himself be who he was in front of them.

Kurt had his moments, though. Sometimes things outside of their home just got to him. It had chilled Finn to the bone the first time he had walked past Kurt's closed bedroom door and heard the unmistakable sound of quiet crying coming from the other side of it. He had paused, and thought briefly about knocking, but was too afraid of how Kurt would react to actually go through with it. Kurt was too proud to let anyone catch him crying so miserably like that. Even from such a short time living together, Finn already understood that facet of his brother's personality.

Finn had climbed into his bed that night with an icy shard of shame clawing away at the inside of his stomach. Once upon a time, it had been him and his friends who made Kurt cry like that.

He made a silent promise to himself to never be the cause of that kind of pain for his brother ever again.

Finn also eventually got used to Blaine. It was weird enough having a brother around constantly, but then said brother got a boyfriend, and it was back to square one for Finn on the whole getting-used-to-the-gay-thing front. Finn never saw Kurt and Blaine kiss, or even hug for more than a few seconds, but he saw how they acted around each other, and it helped him to understand. He grew more accepting. How could he not when he saw the way that Blaine looked at Kurt? Finn got used to them being in love. Kurt helped Finn understand what it meant to really put your own needs aside and love someone else.

As he sat at the table late at night, Finn slowly chewed on the cookie he had pulled from the crinkly bag of store bought confections upon his arrival in the kitchen. Sometimes, when he couldn't sleep, he'd have a midnight snack and just get some thinking done since there was no one else around to talk to. So tonight, his mind wandered back and forth on thoughts of the other three people currently in the house. Sure, his life had changed a lot. But it didn't suck. It was actually starting to get kind of good. He had his mom. He had a step-dad and a step-brother. He had his family.

"Finn? Is that you?"

Kurt padded softly into the kitchen on his bare feet, his hands buried deep in the front pocket of the hoodie he had stolen from Blaine last time he was at his house. His hair was ruffled from sleep and there were indentations from his blanket pressed into his forehead. That was another cool thing about families - you just sort of knew stuff about each other that you didn't even notice yourself noticing. Like how Finn just sort of knew that Kurt always slept with his blanket pressed to his face, even when he was napping on the couch.

"Yeah," Finn said. "Just grabbing a midnight snack."

Kurt snorted. "It's not midnight, Finn. It's about 2:30. It really is terrible for you to eat anything this late at night."

Kurt opened a cupboard and pulled down a glass. He walked over to the sink and filled it halfway with cold water before taking a small sip from it. Finn sort of thought something might be not alright with Kurt at the moment. He didn't know how he knew, but he did.

That was another cool thing about families, he thought. You just sort of knew someone needed someone to talk to.

"You okay dude?" Finn asked. "You never wake up in the middle of the night. You sleep like a rock. One time when you were taking a nap on the couch, I kept throwing M&Ms at your face to see if I could wake you up. Didn't work."

"Is that why I found a melted piece of chocolate in my hair?" Kurt shuddered. "That is just disgusting Finn. Seriously."

"Sorry, dude. Couldn't resist." Finn took a swig from the glass of milk he had set out to drink with his cookies. "Seriously, though. You alright?"

Kurt leaned back against the counter and sighed heavily. "Not really."

Uh oh. _Well, here's where that brother stuff comes in, Hudson. You always wanted a brother to talk to like this, so don't screw it up._

"What's wrong?"

"I just sort of… Well…" Kurt was fiddling with the string of the borrowed hoodie, a sure sign that he was feeling anxious about something. "I keep having these dreams. Not nightmares, not really. Just dreams… And they… They just really get to me, I guess."

Finn took a contemplative bite of another crunchy cookie. "You wanna talk about them?"

"It's nothing, it's just… Not even…" Kurt sighed even more heavily than before, and wrapped his arms around himself. "I just keep having these dreams of people dying. People around me. Loved ones. Mostly it's my dad, I've been having those dreams since my mom died. I sort of got used to them. I learned how to cope with waking up from those."

Finn nodded solemnly. He had never had to deal with dreams like that. He was sort of glad he hadn't. He wasn't really as brave as Kurt was when it came to things like that.

"But now, more recently… It's not just Dad. It's you and Carole… And now it's Blaine. And I just… I can't handle that. I can't handle having to think about losing all of you when you've just so recently come into my life and I just…" Kurt stopped abruptly and brought a hand up to his mouth, biting his knuckle. He sucked in a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "It's just… Not a fun thing to wake up from."

Finn thought for a moment, taking in all of what Kurt had said. His cookies lay forgotten on the tabletop.

"I know what you mean, dude." Finn began, tracing a line in the top of the table with his fingertip as he spoke. "It's weird, you know? Having a bunch of new people to care about and worry about and think about. And I know it hasn't been like this for very long, but like… I don't even know what I'd do without you guys. You and Burt. We all make like the best family ever."

Kurt smiled down at Finn, still clutching himself tight around the middle.

"But I guess it's like… You just sort of need to think to yourself that they're just dreams. We're not going anywhere, at least not anytime soon." Finn shrugged. "I mean, not unless Rachel kills me for screwing up a duet or something."

Kurt let out a soft laugh, his smile finally reaching his eyes as he looked down at his bare toes.

"It's really…" Kurt chuckled once, and looked over at Finn. "It's really nice to have someone to talk to at home who isn't my dad. Sometimes he just doesn't get it."

"Dude. Ditto. I know my mom means well and she just wants to be involved in my life but… Man, sometimes it's just too much."

Kurt drained the last of his water and placed the glass into the sink. Finn was surprised when Kurt gave him a brief but tight hug as he passed behind his chair on his way out of the kitchen. Finn smiled to himself. He could get used to this brother thing.

"Oh, and Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Throw out those shitty cookies. I'll make some from scratch tomorrow instead."

Finn grinned. He dumped the crinkly bag into the garbage and rinsed out his milk glass before heading back upstairs to bed. He lay there, breathing in the silence of the house around him as his family slept.

Sure, this wasn't going to be easy. Five years from now, it still wouldn't be. But whoever said making a family work was easy in the first place?


End file.
